Anjali was known to be a dreamer, passionate about her music and everything that she did. She had a very versatile personality and was brilliant in academics. Smiling her way out through every situation – good or bad, she was one of the bubbliest and yet the most impulsive person that I have come across. She did a lot of drama though and was filled with so many emotions and associated facial expressions for every situation, ufff! Her music would touch people’s hearts in more ways than one and there was not a single person who knew her and not admired her for what an amazing singer she was!
I have known her since the time I have known myself! My bestie… ‘Jhansi ki Rani’ I call her! Coming from an erudite South-Indian family, she was expected to excel in academics, always! She certainly was good at it, but, she would also threaten her parents that she would fail herself in her exams if they didn’t allow her to participate in extra-curricular activities in school and college. Adamant and crazy she was in college! Unlike all of us, she would end up performing brilliantly in all her undertakings, the music, the other competitions or even exams. She would do whacky things without looking for any reasons to do them. And every time she did something, she did it because she wanted to and eventually ended up loving what she did. She followed her heart crazily and was always happy as ever!
She loved her family, her friends, and every single thing that existed on this planet. I doubted if there was anything that she didn’t love! She was different from all of us because she chose to be that way. She challenged the norms and did what she always wanted to. None of us thought that she would also join the IT industry after Engineering with all of us (according to me, she was not a ‘rat-race’ material and you need to be a part of the race in the industry!). But, owing to certain personal and emotional reasons, she did. Not surprising at all, she did well there too. I envied and loved her, all at the same time.
I’ve known her for a long time now and with passing years, I’ve seen her through the worst days in her life. She is one person who has known defeat, struggle and loss and gone through it all with grace and dignity!
Troubled times didn’t end for her and one day, she came to me and told me, “I’ve resigned from office!”
We stared at each other for a very long time. She had no expressions on her face, whatsoever!
“The craziness has still not left her. What is the new madness about?”, I thought to myself.
“I always knew this was not meant for me. The reason why I took this job up is not valid anymore. I don’t need the money. Something is missing. I can’t do this anymore.”, I just kept mum and decided to listen to what she had to say.
“I feel lost now. I need to find myself. I am not happy. I couldn’t think of anything but this and I resigned! I know this might not be one of the best decisions I have taken in my life, but I can make it one of my best decisions if I work towards something better. Something more satisfying and something that can keep me happy forever… You know I believe in forever right? Right? I want to look at what I want to be with forever and this job is certainly not the thing!,” She paused.
“My life has changed, everything has changed and I realize that for a long time now I have just been involuntarily doing a lot of things, meaninglessly, endlessly, without even knowing or thinking if that is what I want! You know I am not like that right?”, she said as a tear fell off her eyes and I was sure she would cry sooner than I thought.
“I want to go away from all this for some time. This is my worst fear – to go away from my family, friends, everything and everyone I know. But I want to challenge myself. I want to go to a different place, away from all the mess I feel I am in. I have been in this protected environment for all these years and now I really need to re-invent and explore myself after all that has been happening now. I need to find myself even more now. I feel very lost!”
She started crying and I got my time to think about what this crazy girl had been telling me. I didn’t know what to say to her! She has always been this impulsive. She once told me that she proposed to a guy in college 10 days after she started going around with him. Not that the guy was a jerk, but she decided in just about a week that she loved him and didn’t discuss this with me or even her mother (who she usually shares all her secrets with!) about what she was about to do! She came and told us this after she had already done what she wanted to. (By the way, they both are equally crazy and happily in love for over 5 years now) Anyway, that’s not the point. She never discusses her decisions with anyone and this time again, that she told me about everything she did after having resigned already, there was really nothing I could comment on. She was incorrigible and I knew it! I waited for her to start talking again.
“I’ve decided to study higher. This is the most logical step given my situation.” She said as she wiped her tears.
“Logic! Look who’s talking! This girl is crazy and someday I will go crazy with her. Where is all this coming from? I wonder why she wants to do this all of a sudden.” I said to myself.
“So, this is a logical step because it will serve everyone’s purpose. I can tell my family that I want to study higher and get a better job. That way, they would be proud of me. I would also learn and end up educating myself more. More importantly, I will learn to live independently, explore myself more, discover a new place, learn new things and take time off all that troubles me now to think only about what I want in life, my purpose of life and what is it that I eventually want ‘forever’ in life. I want to break off from the shackles and everything that I have been mindlessly doing for all this while. I want to give myself some time and this is the best way out. This is a win-win situation for everyone involved! I know it’ll be difficult but I’ll come through it stronger.” She smiled and I could sense that she wasn’t done yet.
“You know what? I have managed to convince my family and more importantly, I have been able to get into a prestigious institution in the US. They are all so proud of me! You are proud of me too, aren’t you?”
She told me the name of the University she got into and I fell off my chair. Wow! Not everyone gets into such amazing places. At the same time, I felt like bashing her up so bad. She had already gone through all the confusions herself and when everything was done, she was coming and telling all this to me! Not that all this was new to me and to expect her to have done anything different would not be right. Umm… rather Logical on my part! But, I realized that I loved her for this craziness; she was different, crazy, yet, my bestie forever! She wasn’t done talking yet.
“Deep down inside me, I know my reason to do such a thing is completely different than what I have convinced the others about. But deep down inside, I also know this is the only way out to re-discover myself, re-explore all the craziness I have within me and ultimately know my higher purpose in life, to discover things that I want to keep doing ‘forever’! I need to find myself before I’m lost again… I don’t want to be lost. Deep down inside, a voice within me says that it will eventually make sense in the end. And one thing is for sure, it is now or never! I should go for it, right?” And she finally stopped.
“I have complete faith in you and your decisions. You’ll do better than you thought you would. I love you my dear friend and I promise to always be there for you.” I said and she hugged me for a long time. I realized that all she needed was reassurance.
Such is my friend – Beautiful in her own crazy ways, fun, different and simply complicated – all at the same time. Not everyone has the courage to follow their heart and I am glad that she does. She is one hell of a confused soul but I am proud of her!
She’ll be gone in two months and is going to be terribly missed. I don’t know what her destiny is, but, I wish her all the courage and strength to achieve all that she wishes for. I’m sure she’ll make her way to a beautiful life! I wish that all her wishes come true and she finds herself with a greater purpose that she’s looking for in life.
All the very best dear friend! Love you always…
“Goodbyes are not forever, Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean that you’ll be missed until we meet again!”
When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is in pain, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a helping hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can – At all times, Dare to be!
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
It sounds very complicated, isn’t it? But it is actually very simple.
It says, “You are what you think you are…! “
At some point of a time in life, if you think you are a FAILURE, then you are! And if you think you are not, then you are not. It is THAT simple! Other people’s opinions or judgments really don’t matter. It’s not about neglecting the mistakes that you commit knowingly or unknowingly, but about accepting things the way they are and motivating yourself to take the first step towards being better.
This is true even when people pass statements or comments about you. A statement however rude or insensible does not possess the potential to insult you unless you allow yourself to accept it. You know yourself better than anyone else.
The bottom line is,
You are what you think you are!
If you think you are happy, you are happy :) . If you think you are sad, you are sad :( .
If you think you are old, you are old. If you think you are young, you are young irrespective of your age!
And so on…
Feel good about you… Appreciate yourself a little more… Feel grateful for what you have…
You are what you think you are :) :) :)